The Lost Diary

nothingNESS <18>

2008-01-25T03:28:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
Tilly Key - No One

MOOD
utterly worthless and depressed.

Broken Journey:
Have U ever been in a situation where EVERYTHING is against you?

No matter how much you deny the fact, it really is happening.

I am in such situation.

Pathetic.

Even though I still have my loved ones, I still feel OUTCAST, LONELY, DEPRESS, etc. you get the idea.

I hate those negative feelings. It is easy for people to advise me just don't be bothered by those stupid feelings. I AM AWARE OF THAT! It seems that feelings stuck into me and will never be gone. . . .

Pathetic . . .

I pray to God to get rid of those feelings and make me feel better.

I told myself to think optimistic about every situations that could ever lead me into such fucking situations.

I did everything.

In the end, I am still alone and stupid.

I might appear strong outside but deep inside, I am easily broken. To fix it, requires greatest efforts of that person.

I need someone who can tell me what is wrong with me! A person who can me speechless.

Broken.

. . . .

Anyways, I have pictures of a stuffed animal given by her~. (^^) Its name is "BUNCHAN", cute huh? ♥

nothingNESS <17>

2008-01-09T01:47:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
Ayakashi OST

MOOD
sleepy+exhausted

Journal:

I am at home as usual. It's almost six pm. Maghrib time. I just finished practicing my violin. Bla bla bla~Yawn~

505 is somewhere inside The Mall building. I always think of that person all the time cause I love 505 sooo much~!

Am I being EMO again? :s whatever~as long as we are in love~(L)

Tomorrow, I shall be going to 505's place again. What's more, this Sunday is our SIXTH months anniversary!! :D a major first event for BOTH OF us!! (L)(L)(L)

No one can get in the way I feel for U~

-to.be.continued-

nothingNESS <16>

2008-01-05T06:43:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
Cartoon Network

MOOD
trying to be HAPPy

It's almost 11pm. I'm in the dining room on the table blogging.

505 is going out at the moment. I wonder if 505 is thinking of me or having so much fun..ha ha ha +____+ I am so fucked up with feeling like this and I am trying so FREAKING hard not to let it get me!!!

Anyways, tomorrow I shall go out with my cousin, Hamiz and Tyrah, my incompatible twin :P

We plan to watch a movie and play bowling! I am looking forward. It has been a while since I go out like this. I hope everything goes fine and nothing will interfere with my inner feeling or our day.

. . . . .

:)

-to.be.continued-

VIOLIN blog <04>

2008-01-04T07:07:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
none

MOOD
tummy ache!! :S

I finally bought the first E string for my violin. It costs me around BND$7.oo. For me the price is fine. The string comes from Germany. Of course, it has a high quality.

I put it on already. I love the tune! The sound resonates very well! I am looking forward for my next violin lesson. I have no idea when that teacher will come back to Brunei. I reckon he will arrive on the 11th January 2008. I hope my allowance will be out soon or I can't pay the lessons' fee :( Every month I have to pay BND$90.00. A lot amount of money. I know. But if I can be the most prestigious professional violinist in Brunei. It worths every penny.

O' Allah, Bless me for all my efforts. I am nothing without your blessing. AMIN.

-to.be.continued-

nothingNESS <15>

2008-01-03T01:39:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
nil

MOOD
grumpy

Random Journal:

Did U ever feel at times that whatever we did something to people, well nice things of course, they tend not to appreciate it? Is it because we expect too much from them? Seems that all those sacrifices meant nothing to them though we MEANT it particularly.

I always feel like that sometimes .. ok, EVERYTIME!

Like I said, maybe I expect too much :(

I guess I have to learn to control myself. Don't be too dependent to loving someone cause that person is not "technically" belongs to you yet unless you are married.

Lalala~I still feel sick :( and lonely...

O Allah~Make me stronger *pasang lagu Britney- Stronger* ~ I really need to face this internal pain all by myself. I always feel in pain. Happy faces do not meant that they are happy..INSIDE.

I think I have a problem with my personality. :( I don't know. Sometimes I appear popular. Sometimes I don't. Change of phase? :o I really have no idea. Or is it because Allah has put a test to me to see if I can face it with great patience. Hmm..I should think that way :)

When I feel alone, I always think of Allah cause He always be there with you if you always think of Him. But I do really need that special person to be with me as well :'( DESPERATELY. . .

If only that person knew.......how much pain for loving 505 so much..

NOTE TO MYSELF:
STOP BEING DEPENDENT TO LOVE!!!!!!

-to.be.continued-

nothingNESS <14>

2008-01-02T07:41:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
Iklim - Sampai Hati

MOOD
sleepy

Untold journal:

I am in my bedroom. It is finally cleaned and organized after so much procrastination.

HEALTH
I am sick! I think I got it from my bestest sister, PuMpKiN. hehehe..U were right! I got infected :P hehehe.. But I won't let such illness to get my way from doing what I want to do :P But I will keep on complaining.

My sore throat is utterly itchy.
I start to have coughs and flu at the same time.
Ugh! I am feeling hell and in agony!

I swallowed Scott's Emulsion Vitamin C. The taste is really nice. I keep on drinking water to keep my hydrated. I hope by tomorrow the illness will go away immediately!

NOTE TO MYSELF
Always eat a balanced diet!

-to.be.continued-

VIOLIN blog <03>

2008-01-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
nothing

MOOD
wanna pee!

Unfortunately, my violin E string has been cut into to two pieces!!!!! I cannot practice any longer :s

The string costs around $20. It really is expensive to me.

What happened?
It was loose for some reason. I thought by tightening it will make it taut but...it breaks :s

I have no money at the moment. My violin class is about to commence soon. I hope I can get the money.

The good thing is, I can play violin quite well though I need to practice a lot. I can read the music notes as well!

LOL

Another achievement for me. One step closer to become a professional violinist!

-to.be.continued-

nothingNESS <13>

2008-01-02T07:11:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
Alvin and the Chipmunks OST - Mess Around

MOOD
I cannot feel anything

my thirteenth JOURNAL on nothingNESS has arrived.

The number 13 is a very special day for me and my special mate wherever you are. I am so in love with you!

I know it has been hard for both of us to get together sometimes but we promised to endure the obstacles together since the New Beginning commenced. I really want to put that into reality. I can be a major stupid jerkass guy you ever been with and I am REALLY REALLY SORRY for that :(

I just . . . . . . . don't want to lose another special one again :'( it hurts.. that is why sometimes I am being overly sensitive and I keep on trying not to get it to me or jeopardizing our relationship. I do want this relationship to last forever :(

I apologized for my act and temper the other day at THE MALL. I was totally out of my mind! It just get me! Seriously, you saw me banged my head forcefully onto the door. You hugged me tightly after. . . .I will never achieve that kind of love from anyone except U. I was melted by that and the pain just slowly fades away. I am so sorry . . . . :(

I also can be a pain in the arse. I can get jealous easily. Who doesn't?

I will repeatedly say sorry and sorry again. . . .if I ever do anything to hurt U okay? :'(

It has been fifth months since we together. You really completes me. Without you, I'm lost. Loving U is what I always want to do and that is the first priority in my life. By seeing you happy with me and say "I love U", you just made my day.

Sayang . . . . .if U ever read this. I really meant it. I will do whatever it takes to make U happy. I did promised U. I am committed to this relationship. I just hope that you will always be there for me and forever in love with me to the end cause I am!

I love U so much. . . .505

I could never find anyone like U. U are a lover and a best friend to me. You don't pretend. You understand me. You are the one I have been waiting for since the day I pray to Allah to give me someone that I can always be together.

I trust U sayang...
I love U too...
I miss U everyday...
and I need U in my life...

-to.be.continued-

nothingNESS <12>

2007-12-24T07:22:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
Zombie - The Cranberries

MOOD
-a major big E M O- ugh!

stupid JOURNAL:
I have been pondering a lot recently. I am not pleased at all! I am begging for sympathy here. This is just ME! I do not even know why I ever felt so idiotic, worthless, etc. You might say "CAUSE YOU ARE DICKHEAD~!" whatever kind of insults or mocking you will give..WHY WOULD I GIVE A FUCK?! Just feel grateful for whatever GOD has given you! Sheesh..

Suddenly I feel like my world, I repeat MY WORLD as in MY LIFE has fallen into bloody pieces. O' Allah, do help me with this life :'(
I can no longer feel the pleasure of self-multilation :(
I pray. I try to be nice. I try EVERYTHING just to be . . . . . HAPPY for my entire life.

I see no happiness in the future ahead. Even if I have ZILLIONS of money. IT DOES NOT EVEN WORTH IT! Incomparable to loving someone :( yeah~I HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH MY LOVE LIFE!

That person is going to marry someone else....in the future. But won't let me go. I do not like sharing love :(

I just don't know . . . . . .

........................

-to.be.whatever-

VIOLIN blog <02

2007-12-09T02:51:00.000-08:00

BACKGROUND MUSIC
-none-

MOOD
-filthy-

I have been meddling with my violin for quite a while now. Initially, there wasn't any sound coming. I thought I didn't play it right. A bit disappointing. But I don't give up, cause I play it before and there was a sound reverberating. I browsed the internet to find the solution. Thus, I FOUND the problems!! :D I try to do what it says. It works! :D:D well, a major achievement for me. I don't know about other people but to me, one step closer to becoming a pro..hehe

cheers again~~:D

VIOLIN blog <01>

2007-12-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

BACKGROUND MUSIC
-nothing-

MOOD
-so-so-

Journey towards becoming a violinist .. begins

I finally bought my violin yesterday after so much searching high and low in Brunei. I can't seem to get my mind of this fine instrument! My goal is to play Bach - Concerto for two violins, which way out of my standard .. that is, for now .. hehehe

I was at the Express Music last night. They held this mini concert for their students. I got to see them playing for free. It was exciting. I thought they are all brilliant! of course.. haha I just can't wait to get my first lesson of playing the violin.

For now, I am viciously browsing the internet for free lessons and to grasp a brief idea of how to play the violin.

Update furthermore~~XD

cheers.

nothingNESS <11>

2007-10-15T21:21:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي
background Song

agonizing lectures

Mood

a bit pissed (as always)

JOURNAL left untold

Yesterday I have gone to Bandar to celebrate Hari Raya with Miechan(his mother always asking when I could go out..).

It was the ultimate enjoyable session since the first day of Hari Raya. Thank God, my mother allowed me to go out this time. I feel really sick at home looking at those same old design.

We went to his mother's cousin or elder sister?! I forgot :- sorry Miechan~~~ X__x the food was really-really appetizing .. Remorse of going out with them is totally nothng inside me. I love the fooddddd X( *reminiscing* They have this CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN which keeps on flowing like a water fountain(d'oh~) but instead of water, it was chocolate ..

How it works?
The fruits(strawberries and bananas) were left stranded beside the machine. Sticks to poke the fruits were all served. All you need to do is to stick the fruits(I'm lost in describing..but I'm trying X___X) and dipped it into the chocolate fountains. Gawd~the taste were totally out of this world(saliva flowinggg~~)

We stayed there for a long time, watching people coming in and go, eating, chatting, eating, eating..hehehe

Then, we went to Miechan's cousin's crib -ALIP- wawawa..he looks like a chinese guy as most people described him..lol
First time I've been into his room..hehehe..cute room XD we stayed there(Alip wasn't there) for a few minutes. Playing XBOX which only has one controller working(dammit!). Wrecking his cute room.
Miechan's mother summoned us to go downstairs. I was astonished that they have this massive karaoke room! @_______@ It was really2 cool~it's like your in a club or something(wish they have the disco light..hehehe) we sung for a while but the aunties wanted to sing too. So, just let them be .. *smile*

So, I stayed there for a while until I lost track of time. Sent Miechan's home and off I gone home.

At home, I was quarreling with my mother because I was so late. I reached home around 12am. Why can't she understand how I feel to go out? I always all alone in this fuc*king room. Thank God, there's internet and mobile phones. But I don't depend much on them..do i? -___-"

After all..I'm a guy. I can think mature enough. I know all the consequences of everything. I have never been running into them for my personal problems..instead my close friends.

why?
They always criticizing everything. All I did was wrong..wrong and stupid. yea yea..i am stupid thank U..

Gawd!

-to.be.continued-

CUPUR <02>

2007-10-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

background MUSIC

nothing

MOOD

-utterly pissed-

NASTY JOURNAL

Have U ever been in a situation where everything seems dark, gloomy and worthless?

I am in the fuc*king situation ..

How do I deal with it?

simply by SLITTING my wrist ..

Your reaction?

Labelled me as:

pathetic
stupid
get a life
soo emo(gay)

My reaction?

why do I even give a damn? *smirk*.. I pity your life instead of mine .. a bunch of worthless jackasses who have low-level intelligence ..

A PHRASE FOR U:

SUCK IT UP DICKHEAD!

-to.be.continued-

nothingNESS <10>

2007-10-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

Background MUSIC:

Ratuku - AWIE

MOOD:

-desolate-

JournaL:

It's already RAYA but I am not into this convivial festive season.

REASON?

My father is not present. My mother's family are not muslim.

All I did since the first day was in my room; browsing internet(i'd be very lucky if I could find any free PORN), sleep like a log, eat like a pig(fasting month has passed by), and sleep till I feel worthless.

---------------

What's worst?

I haven't done my drawing assignment.
I haven't finished up the SURVEY report.
I haven't even touch any of my academic books ( I wonder where I have left them..hmm)
I feel sick
In a fuc*king predicament

I hope that I could finish it up by next week!

Seriously..I need a simple motivation to uplife my idle soul (DESPERATE!)

-to.be.continue-

nothingNESS <09>

2007-07-17T01:12:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

Music: just listening to the air-conditioner purring wildly..

Mood: somewhat neutral though it can be temperamental at any time soon :-

Journal-Journal-Journal:

I have entered ITB. It's been more than a month already and I feel like I've been working harder than ever just to cope with everything! reports, assignments, juggling with relationships and everything..U NAME IT! Gah! X(

I can feel my life is getting out of control..i guess my time management is not effecient enough :(

I am struggling a lot to achieve everything. It is very disappointing when you don't get what you want it to be. Not to mention a lot of personal turmoil whirling inside of me..

X(X(X(

-to be continued-

nothingNESS <08>

2007-07-03T23:18:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: not entirely you can say "good" mood ..

background music: DON'T STOP - MARIAH CAREY

I've been in a complicated situations recently. Someone I love so dearly doesn't seem to get me at all! It is frustrating how people can get distracted by a mere absurdity of thoughts. Feeling insecure is alright but exaggerating the insecurities are totally unattractive.

I did my best to be the one that person needs. If that person can't appreciate and trust me, what's the point? It'll leave more bruises than it was before.

I am not that optimistic. ITB orientation is almost around the corner. I doubt if I could handle the tension, fear, stress, social life, etc. I have nightmares about it every night. It's creeping me out! Almost end in tears but I'm a guy..lol whatever..I rather let it go..

I tried to control the pessimism but the more I think about it the more I think the nightmares would materialise soon..Oh Gawd..HELP ME!

-to.be.continue-

nothingNESS <07>

2007-07-02T21:09:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: blurry state

background music: FIGHTER - Christina Aguilera (errr X_X)

My health conditions doesn't deteriorates as dramatically as I want it to be. My parents just gone back from I don't know where they've been to. My father stormed in and reprimanding why I don't take a shower and why can't I be more disciplined .. blah3 *too annoyed to listen everything* I HAVE THIS FUCKING ILLNESS..can't he see that???

My hatred has improved into LOATHE living in this bloody house. I am not at PEACE while he is still with that attitude of his. I am either just stay quiet or give a rejoinder. I just don't care anymore. He suffers my peaceful life. The only peace I got was before they have arrived or when I go out with my granma or my friends or 0901.

I am at lost. I am a prisoner in this house. I must obey(though by force). I don't want any BLOODY OUTRAGE OF HIS TEMPER rampaging this house like before. I HAD ENOUGH!! SERIOUSLY I HAD ENOUGH. If he wasn't that way, I wouldn't want to live in a hostel at all!! I can just drive from my house to ITB and go back home after that. But it might affect my study when he is still like a bullshit to me. ARGH! BEKATA2 TAH AKU TOH..NA KU KIRA EHH..I AM FURIOUS WITH EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE.. (X_x)

f.u.c.k

-to.be.continued-

♥♥♥

nothingNESS <06>

2007-06-30T22:41:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: FLU/COLD <--> FOUL!

background music: hold on..let me choose a music..lalala~ *click* alright; MISCOMMUNICATION by TIMBALAND <3

I woke up at nearly 12pm this morning. My cold still won't go away. I don't know for how long will it keeps on haunting my body. Ugh..

I sneezed so hard that I thought I almost lost my whole head for a moment. I drank hot chamomile tea after. I feel a bit better. A BIT. I chewed mentos as well. That does console me for a while.

I feel sober at the moment. I swallowed this cough syrup which has a great impact on causing drowsiness. Well, it is another form of legitimate drugs. If I want to end my life, by drinking the whole bottle should do the trick *smirking*

background music: Elliot Yamin - Wait for me

I feel lonely at times .. :( At home, I suffer. I can't go out. Everything I do is wrong. WRONG. MISTAKES and STUPID. I don't know what gone wrong. I try as much as I could to be the person they want me to be. But they never see. All they see is my flaws. Better get a robot so that you can manipulate it according to your own desire. I am a human. I am not perfect. I am not beautiful. I am a normal person. I don't have any APPARENT innate gifts like being a GENIUS or have that LOOK. All I want is an understanding. A teenage freedom. They lock me inside this Hell, they are adding my hatred instead of loving them each day. I have a UNIQUE desire. I just don't want to be like anybody else. I want to be MYSELF. They compare to someone they think is much better. I know I am not like them. But that is how they are. If you can't accept for who I am, just let go of me. Find someone who suits your personal benefits.

I want to confide into that person about it. But that person is busy with the work that I rather keep this to myself, suffering, than burden that person with my own selfish problem. I just don't want to be a burden. I really don't want to. I want everybody to be happy. A sincere and honest smile is something I want to see. That kind of emotion just fade away my problems..though not temporarily but at least I feel better :]

....

♥♥♥

-to.be.continue-

nothingNESS <05>

2007-06-30T02:01:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: worst state esp in health

background music: nothing .. just the sound of the people going online .. doh?!

Today has been a very very difficult and horrible day. I thought my day could turn out to be alright but that thought betrayed me.

First, I noticed that my BLOODY DRIVING LICENSE wasn't at sight. I searched everywhere! and I meant EVERYWHERE (x_X)

My granma insisted of accompanying her to Tutong. I am not whining or complaining. I am just merely STATING. Fear develops inside me. What if there's a road block?? I can't just telling them that I left it at home. Would they buy it? Honestly, would they?? If I was them, I don't think I do unless if you know that person very well. Where is justice~? :S The story of a murder that happened recently made the community left in fear. So do I. But, Allah will always protect those who are innocent. Allah will bring justice to them. Amin!

Fortunately(alas, there is a lucky part today), there wasn't any roadblock interefere with my driving. HAHA .. and I FOUND MY DRIVING LICENSE!!! I was in despair when the thought of creating another one enveloped my mind, not to mention the looks of my parents YELLING at my IDIOTIC mistake; being CARELESS AND STUPID. I can't help it! It just happened, alright!? X(

Praise Allah for what happened to me eventually. Although, I had a hard time initially, towards the end of the day, something brightens up.

=3

-to.be.continued-

♥♥♥

CUPUR <01>

2007-06-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: extremely well-nourished :D

background music: A Gothic Romance - Red Roses for the Devil's

I just gone back from visiting Fumfie's house. I complained to her about waking up early. She invited me over to her house to have spaghetti for breakfast, which is a surprise for me. I NEVER had spaghetti for breakfast. The spaghetti was SUPERB.

The carezzevole of the spaghetti strings have the buttery taste. As it landed into your mouth, the silky touch of it was divine. The mixture of the sauce balanced flawless. Sausages, which were cut into pieces equally blended extremely well with the sause.

Enough of that .. hahha ..

-to.be.continue-

♥♥♥

nothingNESS <04>

2007-06-29T02:51:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: full of bullshit; extremely foul mood

background music: Miscommunication - Timbaland

Seriously, my life is really really up to my head. I don't know how long can I keep on living like this. I better disappear rather than be like this ..

LALALALA

*slitting wrist*

-to.be.continue- i hope :S

p/s: i rather be forgotten and abandoned as I don't want to harm other people feelings anymore .. :-

nothingNESS <03>

2007-06-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: so-so

background music: NONE

MY COUGH IS GETTING WORST THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINE!! My life is not going well either. *tawakal*

I am not in the mood to socialise around or get in touch with anyone in particular. It might jeopardize our friendship. I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT. I lost my temper at ease recently. Is it because of what my dad did to me or is it just me? (X_X) I don't know and I don't want to know anything about it.

I want to stay in my room. Locked. Read a couple of books. Write journal. Sleeping. Wanking(if I was stimulated by something or someone .. LOL).

Inside my head, which is aching at the moment, the brain is confusing itself with one another. "Don't do that..!!", says one of the neuron. "WHO's THE BOSS AROUND HERE??", yelled a part of my brain. IT'S RUNNING HAVOC INSIDE! By the end of this month, I might turned out to be someone else. ARGH! STUPIDITO! IDIOITO!!

*try.to.calm.down*

:]

♥♥♥

-to.be.continue-

nothingNESS <02>

2007-06-28T08:49:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: GROOVY~~

background music: ch111 jazz channel

I just gone back from having dinner at one of the "Fanciest" restaurant in Gadong. The foods are scrumptious and exaggeratingly top-notch. The prices? LOL .. just guess it. XD My dad out of sudden wanted to treat the whole family including my granmother a dinner. I ate a lot!! I rarely eat a lot outside. I don't know what came over me back then. I have a severe cough at the moment. I'm in agony! My chest hurts when I cough. I thought I was having a TB! *nauzubillah* but this drug - Beta Expectorant(fruity flavour<--thank GOD!) does works temporarily..

I know it's late already. It's past midnight. I am still online using "his" laptop. I don't own any so this is the only one I can use. Everybody was fast asleep or I thought they were. I having a light conversation with my brother over the phone when my dad suddenly woke up and YELLED at me .. he shrieked out of sudden about me staying up late, telling me how I will turn out to be a rubbish one day if I keep on doing like this. HEY DAD, I AM NOT!! Just by not taking enough sleep doesn't make you a crap at all! (I have to abruptly hanged the phone without saying Goodbye to him! How rude I was :( but it is embarassing for him to listen to that!) He told me about my ego and everything but he, HIMSELF IS AN EGOIST! Even my mom admits that. I don't like him talking that way to me. It just making me more REBELLIOUS towards him. Seriously, if he still keeps on doing that way, I will tolerate it for now. But later on, when I got my phD and success, I do still have my respect for them but one thing, they surely won't see this face always. I will send money and stuffs but seeing how I look like is in your DREAM! I rather stay alone at cheap apartment with a cat. At least I am at peace! I can think clearly that way. He's just..*argh* VICIOUS! He's suffocating my social life. I don't go out as often as I used to be anymore. I CAN THINK! I have my own brain. You advise me this and that but you, yourself, I don't see you that way. It's really disgusting.

I can't wait to stay at the hostel. I don't want to go home unless if I was desperate. They would give me allowance. I can survive. The rent would cost around $45 or so. Monthly allowance would be around $300+ that is what I heard. I hope it is true. I can spend $200 on both toiletries and necessities. I assume my life would be much better over there..I hope. I ought to buy a laptop. I can find a job. Now, the problem is about time-management. I would want to study violin as well. They say studying in ITB is very difficult to survive unless you work hard to the utmost. I think I can manage that .. *stammering* :S

Dad, you just see..HOW WRONG YOU ARE ABOUT ME!!

*swearing*

-to.be.continue-

nothingNESS <01>

2007-06-27T22:34:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: cough + uncomfortable
background music: channel [V] - This Cover

Today, a little boy at the age of 1-3 years old smiled exposing it's cute teeth at me. That warm and sincere smile just made my day. It melts my heart when he did that ♥♥♥ .. It happened like this; I was gazing around inside the supermarket thinking what should I buy(my Granma told me to pick whatever I want so I didn't want to lose this golden opportunity :P ). I left the trolley, which remained stationary. This little boy who looks like a chinese-dusun origin sat on the trolley. He looked at my empty trolley and tried to touch it. I stared at him. I pushed the trolley a bit. He startled. He gazed at me. I smiled. He smiled back! I didn't anticipate anything like that at all. It just breaks my heart when any kid do that to me. I love them. Precious living things, aren't they? ♥♥♥

I do want to experience it again if I got the chance in the future. My cousin have two brothers just like that little boy but we rarely see each other. I can't ask my mom to have another baby!! LOL she was expected to pregnant before. But it turned out that it wasn't. I feel relieved but at the same time, sad. The cons would be the CRIES, WAILING, WHINING, etc. The pros would be the LAUGHTER, that INNOCENT eyes which sparkles everytime I look at it. Oh, I miss my brother when he was still young. *reminiscing* I still love him though. I always want to protect him and give him the feeling of euphoria until he grows to be a young man. I am not looking forward when he turned adult. I might be married back then :P *thinking too much into the future* LOL NOOOO~~I don't want to marry yet!! Not until I find a satisfying job with adequate salary that I feel bored with my money and want to share my joy with that person
XP

-to be continue-

♥♥♥

The Beginning ..

2007-06-27T10:04:00.000-07:00

بسم الله الرحمن الرحي

mood: sleepy
background music: jazz channel ch111

This blog will contain a lot of my emotional ups and downs despite the craps that I am going to compose in the future. It will all be mine personally XD heHHe..

I will try to keep it as entertaining as I could without jeopardizing my own style..*smirks*

I think that will be all for now :D

-to.be.continue-

♥♥♥